Sunday, August 30, 2009

August 29,2009

Jackie and I visited you today. Mom had been there all afternoon and Buddy was there too some this morning. When we walked into your room, your right eye was completely open. I said, "Hi Johnny" and you raised two fingers. I said, "how are you doing Bud?" and you made the sign for okay. Of course, Mom, Jackie and I all gasped. Your respiratory nurse came in and started working on you for a few minutes...your secretions from your trach are clear and a little frothy or foamy. In other words, normal and, in the words of Martha Stuart, "that's a good thing". Well, after your nurse was done I told you to put down your bunny (a toy with lots of texture for you to hold and work your hand with) and hold my hand. You did! You dropped it and grabbed my hand. I had Jackie come over to you and she said, "Hi Daddy" and you stroked her face. It was the sweetest thing! A little bit later, I asked you to raise two fingers if you knew who I was and you did! Then I said, "raise two fingers if you think I'm pretty". Woo Hoo! You did! Now, I realize I was taking a chance with that question but a girls gotta try and boost her self-esteem any way she see, if you didn't respond in my favor I could have blamed it on your condition. My ego might have been bruised but I'd of had an excuse...but, amazing as you are, you encourage me even from your hospital bed. Of course, the whole rest of the night I wore out the phrase "my brother thinks I'm pretty!" Wait, there's more...I later gave you a taste of a cherry flavor jolly rancher sucker, now, for all Johnny's fans, if you've never had one before they are intense with flavor...very delicious! Johnny, you must have thought so too because I put it on your lips and you ran your tongue back and forth on it. When I pulled it away, you made a sucking you were getting it off your tongue. Then I said, if you want more, open your mouth...and you did! I put the sucker on your lips and told you to lick your lips and you did. I put the sucker away after that, I didn't want to make you sick. It made me a little sad because you were enjoying it so much. Mom didn't want to leave, we were all enjoying interacting with you, but the nurse came in again with your meds this time and you were done. So, mom left for the night. Jackie and I stayed for a long time after mom left. We watched you go from active to slow motion to asleep... your meds had kicked in. We left after you had been asleep awhile. It really is hard to leave you. We know your in excellent hands but it's still hard. When I left I was on cloud nine! I didn't mention this in Friday's blog but I felt so helpless and discouraged when I left from seeing you. I think it was a combination of things...seeing your muscle and fat loss, seeing you in yet another hospital, you were sweating and unresponsive. I cried all the way home and most of the night. But, everything was different in the morning. It's amazing how God meets you where you are and gives you what you need. He knew I was in despair and He lifted my spirit, my faith, my hope, by the communication I had with you. Amazing Grace! Johnny, I pray for you constantly and I believe that you are strong enough to overcome.
Love you little brother! XO Jen

Saturday, August 29, 2009

August 28, 2009

Johnny is in room 744 at Parkland Hospital in Dallas.

You finally got a room at around 1:30 in the morning. At 3:00 am, Mom called me upset...they still hadn't given you any meds so you haven't had a moments peace. Also, you haven't had anything going to your feeding tube since you left Manor care...that's too long for you to go without nourishment. I was really worried about Mom because she hadn't slept since Wednesday night and it's now Friday morning. She called me back at 3:30 am to tell me she was okay, that she just had a we all have! Mom was determined to stay and talk to the doctors. She finally spoke to someone who got you meds, food and set up some appointments for you. We think you will probably be at Parkland through the weekend. I'm not sure where you'll go from there, our hope is that you'll be able to get the pump and be weened off the trach but it's not looking like that will happen...not before you leave Parkland anyway. I visited you while the ENT doctor came to see you. She scheduled a CT scan of your neck and head. She thinks that you don't have an ear infection but rather a salivary gland's more in your jaw and your ears look fine. She ran a scope down your trach and down your nose and said everything looked good. You didn't even flinch when she put that thing in your was your left side...I wonder if you have any feeling on that side. Anyway, we won't get the results of the scans until tomorrow sometime. You were very peaceful when I left...they had just given you a muscle relaxer. Love you Johnny!!! Jen

Thursday, August 27, 2009

August 27, 2009

Just a quick post, I'll update later.

Johnny was sent to Parkland's emergency room today. His temperature spiked and he had a lot of yellow-green phlem coming from his trach. They said that the pneumonia is getting worse. They took a CT scan of his lungs and a lot of blood tests. We won't get the results from that until tomorrow. They will be admitting him over night. They are giving him antibiotics through an IV. Please pray that JOhnny doesn't have to go back to that place...he's too sick to be there!! Pray - pray - pray!!! Jen

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

August 26, 2009

Mom stopped by to see you at 11:30am today. When she got to Manorcare, you had your oxygen pushed to the side, not over the trach and you had a towel over your trach hole. Mom said when she moved the towel she could hear your voice. You weren't talking, it was more like you were humming. Mom said you have a scratch on your chin...we're not sure where that came from since you have a glove on your active right hand and you don't move your left hand at all. Mom talked to Diana about your trach and Diana told her that even though the trach hole was covered up you could still breath through your mouth. She said that when people with trachs are weened off the trach they cap off the end to make sure that the patient can breath through the mouth, swallow, etc. before the trach is removed.

Mickey came by to see you during his lunch hour. He said you had your eye open and you were moving your hand but you didn't respond to him at all. He said it was like you were sleeping with your eye open. He said that you were very clean.

From Mom:
If I don't hear from a Doctor tomorrow, I'll make some appointments on my own. I'm so sorry we don't know how to help you - we're doing the best we can. I need to go -I'll see you in the morning - tomorrow. I love you - I hope you can feel that. Mom

August 25, 2009

Jackie and I came by to see you after school. When we got here, we adjusted your bed, changed your gown and took off your glove. You were really sleepy and barely did your exercises. When mom got off work, we changed your pad and while we were doing that, you reached up and grabbed your trach and pulled it out about an inch. Mom freaked! I thought you were might have been because you were coughing up phlem. It all happened so fast. It took mom and I both to get your hand off the trach. By the time Jackie and I left, you looked really peaceful and relaxed. Love you Johnny! XO Jen

From Mom:
Hi Johnny, I came by to see you at 6am and again at 11:30am. Mom

From Christy:
I came to see you at lunch. You were really sleeping. I tried to wake you up but couldn't get you to open your eyes. I'm assuming they have given you something to relax you as your arms were really easy to move. Your left arm would move a little easier. You have so much to wake up for, like seeing Jackie turn into a beautiful young lady. You have all this family who can't wait to see you again and be able to communicate with you like we used to. I pray all times of the day for you. I can't remember ever praying this much. I always pray everyday, but I find myself praying more and more throughout the day. It is funny how God works through us all. He helps us do what He needs us to do and in return, He does for us by granting us His grace. He truly loves us all. I try to be patient and it is hard. When I got here, you made a horrible face like I make when I have a bad headache. Do you have a headache? I wonder a lot of what you might feel. Wake up and we will all listen. Love you lots! Christy

From Jackie:
Daddy, I had my 2nd day of school today. It was weird until choir, when Story asked me to sit with her at lunch. I miss you! Come home! Jackie

Diana visited
Valerie Visited

August 24, 2009

Jackie started 7th grade today. She was a little nervous but she did really good. She made a couple of new friends and was excited when another little girl asked her to sit with her at lunch.

Mom got a call from a lady at BCBS today. She handles denials and appeals at BCBS. Mom was able to tell her everything that's been going on and asked that BCBS send out their own doctor to evaluate you. The lady told mom she couldn't talk to her about you because you didn't give consent and she didn't have guardianship papers. Mom told her that she faxed them twice. So, right now we're waiting on BCBS to find the papers so they can talk to mom about your care. It's hard not to get my hopes up. I'm praying the decision is in our favor. Well, she called back and said that you are in between their criteria...meaning, your too sick to be were you are and not sick enough to move. The lady suggested mom call and set up appointments for all the doctors you need to see, either to come to Manorcare or for you to go by ambulance to them. Seems like moving you would be cheaper...hmmm

From Mom:
Mick and I came by. They had just changed you but, you were wet again. You're very agitated - wish I could stay and take your glove off. Love you!! Mom

From Christy:
Hey J - I came to see you as soon as I dropped Kelsie off at school. Then I thought about Jackie being at a new school this morning. I sure hope the girls have a wonderful day. You seem agitated this morning. It made me think of all the times growing up when it was the 1st day of school. I remember in 5th grade, our teacher called me by the wrong name all the time. You told me to not answer her when she did that. Funny t hing was, you told her that wasn't my name. I was never so happy to have someone in my corner. Speaking of that, you have so many in your corner. I can't wait for you to get better. I want to take your glove off, but the nurses scared me into not taking it off. Seems you want to pull and grab everything. You did open your eye and look at me while I talked to you this morning. I just wonder if you can remember anything I talk to you about...all the things from our childhood that only you and I know ab out. I wonder if you really know who I am? Do you? They came to weigh you this morning. You are down to 120.8. You didn't enjoy them moving you around. When they were done, you were wide awake. Hurry and get well. The Lord has much work for you to do for Him, He is not done with you.
Love you lots! Christy

From Mom:
Hi Johnny. They put the shirt Jen brought on you. Looks good! Mom

Dad came by to see you, he took off your glove and did your arm exercises.

From Mom:
I'm cleaning your feet - aspercreme will be next. You don't look happy. Mom

Sunday, August 23, 2009

August 23, 2009

It's Sunday, 68 days today...I put Aspercreme on your left hand and rubbed it awhile. I kept telling you to open your hand and you did just a little. Your temp is about 100. They gave you Tylenol at 1:00pm. You have a lot of blood in your urine again. I'll leave a note for the Dr. to see if we can remove the catheter. Also, I'll ask about your right ear, as you point at it and grimace. Love you. Mom

They did take out the catheter and there was blood clotting at the end of it. It's probably good for now that you have it out...I'm just worried about bedsores and skin breakdown now. I was a little disappointed today, I thought you looked so good yesterday, I was excited to see you. It broke my heart when I saw you, you look to me like your in pain and your running a fever. I hate seeing you like this Johnny.

Psalm 118:8
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

Oh Johnny, that's what I need to remind myself. We are trusting in moving you, trusting that Texas Specialty is a better place for you, trusting that the pump is going to work, trusting in the insurance to do the right thing by you, trusting in the Doctors, the nurses...the list goes on. What we should be trusting in is the love God has for you, the Lords ability to pull you out of this, to restore you and make you a better man, a whole man. To give you a testimony of what the Lord can do. Why do we put all our eggs in the basket of man? God is all we need...trusting in Him. How can we ever think that we know more than God, that anyone knows more. I'm trusting in the Lord to move you if it's His will. I'm trusting in the Lord to put the perfect plan in motion for the pump, for insurance to do the right thing and have some compassion. I'm trusting that the Doctors and nurses are guided by the hand of God in helping to heal you.

I Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.

That's what I'm doing Johnny, I'm praying and believing!

Psalm 37:7
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

I know that's what your doing. Is there a better place to rest...

I love you little brother! XO Jen

Saturday, August 22, 2009

August 22, 2009

Mom, Jackie and I came to see you today. You seemed really calm and sweet. I asked you if you knew who I was and you patted me on the arm. I gave you a shave and mom cleaned your feet. You looked so comfortable were moving your right arm up and down but it wasn't in an agitated way. You were coughing a lot. The man next to you plays Hispanic music really loud, mom was teasing you, telling you when you started talking it would be in Spanish. Oh, I've been meaning to tell you this, you have a nurse, ( I need to get her name) she calls mom and I honey and sweetie, she tells us all the time that she's praying for you. She's really sweet. She'll say, Yea...I told Johnny to get on up outta there. Just come on Johnny and get on up outta there. She said, I know he hears me and I'm a pray'in for him. You would love her! Maybe you already do, you need to wake up and tell me. You have tons of people praying for you Johnny! I know you can feel it!

Psalm 25:5
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

I believe! I believe! I believe! God is going to pull you "up outta there"!!!
What amazing things He must be whispering in your ear! Honestly, I wouldn't want to wake up either ... God loves you, so much more than we ever could. Why wouldn't you want to lay there and listen to Him. Amazing love Johnny, God has amazing love for you! XO Jen

Kathy sent you an email, I'm going to paste it below:
Hey there, Cuz -
I've left a few messages on your Facebook page for you to read, so WAKE UP and read them already!! Wish I lived closer so I could visit and arm wrestle with you - bet you would win :) You have a lot of love around you, Lil Johnny, and I know you are feeling it. You are always in my thoughts & prayers. I love you, Kathy

From Buddy & Tammy:
Tammy and I came to visit with you this morning. You had your glove opened up on the end and were holding your catheter tube. I had to pry it out of your hand. You acted like you were mad when I did that but it was best for you. I had the nurse check and make sure it was alright. We put your glove back on. I hate seeing you up here. I will be glad when they get the pump in. I really think it will help you a lot. I wish you would stop trying to pull all of your tubes out but I guess I would do the same thing if I were in your place. Please get better soon, we really miss you.
Love-Buddy & Tammy
P.S. When I asked you to raise two fingers and you did it with no hesitation. I was so glad to see that!

August 21, 2009

Tonight I went to Woman of Faith at American Airlines Center. It was really hard being there, knowing that you've walked every inch of that place. While I was there, Valerie sent me a text...she was there too and she was also thinking about you. You are so loved! One of the guests that were there was Steven Curtis Chapman and he sang a song that brought tears to my eyes, it made me think of you and Jackie. Here's the lyrics:

“Heaven Is The Face” by Steven Curtis Chapman:

Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “daddy please come play with me for awhile”
God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for God,
You know, I just can’t see beyond the door
So right now Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams
And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for God,
You know, I just can’t see beyond the door
But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space
All the cancer is gone
Every mouth is fed
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed
Every lonely heart finds their one true love
And there’s no more goodbye
And no more not enough
And there’s no more enemy (no more)
Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You
And we both run into Your arms
Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see Heaven in the face of my little girl

Love you little brother!! XO Jen

From Mom:
Well, the move is not going to happen. Insurance said you would have to go to an acute hospital like Baylor and then they may or may not send you to a long term acute care facility. Dr Ngwu (Na-goo) came by at 7pm to see you. He tried to find a reason to send you to Baylor-no luck- your not running a fever, your pneumonia's better, and your wounds are better. So, here's the plan - when you visit Johnny, bend his fingers on his left hand - only to the point of resistance. Don't force them. (Dr. Ngwu told me this) Same with his arms, legs and feet. Monday I will call Dr. Ngwu to get him to schedule the botox injection in Johnny's left arm right away. We'll check his physical therapy and get them to come more often. His pneumonia is on the run so as quick as he is infection free, we will schedule the Baclofen pump. Dr. Ngwu said we could send him two someone about his trach and trying to wean him off it. He also needs to see an opthomologist and an orthopedic doctor. We'll just play their game and make them keep that ambulance running up and down the road! Once he gets the pump and can sit in a wheelchair, I will take him home. Until then, I think I'll go ahead and quit work in two weeks and stay up here. So there BCBS!! It's 8:30pm-I'm going home - be back tomorrow. Love you Johnny - Mom

Friday, August 21, 2009

August 20, 2009

I came to see you and your sleeping really good. Coughing some. You were drooling a lot more than I've seen you do so far. I wonder what that means...where does that go if it doesn't come out of your mouth? Down your throat? Why haven't I thought of that before now. Every time the man next to you coughs, you pop open your right eye. Are you startled? I think your smiling...when I took my camera out, you stopped. Now your praising God, you have your right hand straight up in the air.
Your sleeping soundly right now, without your mitten on. Mom is having it out on the phone with someone about you being moved. She's your advocate! Man, that's who I would want on my side...fierce momma lion! I love you Johnny! XO Jen

Aunt Margaret came by to see you...she put her phone up to your ear and let Granny Holub talk to you. You seemed really calm like you were listening to what she was saying to you.

Gary came by, he wrote a note on the board on your wall, it says Gary says Hi! He comes to visit you a lot.

Mickey came by this morning, he said you seemed angry when he took your mitten off your left hand. I think that hand really bothers you.

From Mom:
I came by at noon. They gave you a relaxer so you are resting. Physical therapy came by this morning and worked on your range of motion. Love you Johnny!

From Diana:
I came by. You opened your eye to me kissing your cheek. I just had to see you. I hate two see you like this. We love you. Please don't give up til we can get you out of here. I realized i forgot to turn your feeding back on last night when your mom and I pulled you up in the bed. I hope she remembered. Anyway, it's on now. I'm taking the long drive to Dallas today. It's pretty awful. Love you.

From Christy:
Kelsie and I came by to see you, we just missed your mom by a few minutes as it is 12:10pm and she was here at noon. I am so excited to see you are making such good progress. You look good and your resting good. You did open your eye and peek at us but you are sleeping very sound. We love you!! I agree with your mom, you have to let the Lord continue to grant you his grace. Get better soon. Love ya lots!

August 19, 2009

Jackie and I came to see you this afternoon, someone had turned off your A/C and it was so hot. You felt like you had a fever but I wasn't sure if it was that or how hot it was in your room. I turned your A/C down to 60 to coll you off quick and took off your covers. I checked everything, like I do when I first get there and your moist air oxygen was not coming through the tube. I turned that up...not sure how that got turned down. It makes me so sad that your in this place! I'm not convinced they know how to care for you. We're just waiting to hear if your insurance will approve you being moved. We are approaching every decision with prayers Johnny; it's hard to know if we're doing the right thing. The only thing we know for sure is we love you! The girls at your work got Jackie's school supply list and went shopping. They got her way more than she needed. Jackie was so excited looking through all the cool stuff they picked out. It's like they knew exactly what she would want. So many people want to do something for you but don't know what...everyone loves you Johnny! Jackie starts school on Monday, she's excited and a little nervous too. She'll do fine though and she's already made a friend. She chose to be in tennis and choir...I'm so glad she chose choir, she has such a beautiful singing voice!

From mom:
I know you want your mitten off but, I'm only here for a couple of minutes. I'm praying we can move you today. I love you.

Mickey came by this morning and at noon. He's so good to check on you.
Diana came by to fuss over you...we love you Johnny!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

August 18, 2009

Today is 9 weeks since your accident. It doesn't get any's still hard to believe this has happened to you. My questions still remain unanswered, do you know what happened to you? Are you scared?

Mom checked on you this morning and said you were sweating. She said your gown was completely wet and you had sweat pooled in your ears. I really don't like the place your one does. You need acute long term care and your not in the place for that. You will be if Mom has anything to say about it. Mom and Diana went to Texas Specialty Hospital and they both seemed to like it a lot. They offer so many of the things you need to progress. For one, the ratio is two patients for every nurse. Now it's a waiting game on the insurance to approve it. We are your advocates Johnny! We will fight for you! You are so loved little brother!!

**Mickey, Robert & Uncle Charles came to visit today at lunch.
Mickey said you opened your right eye up wide and stuck your arm out like you were punching. He said you were very tense.

**Mom said that she brushed your teeth before she left for home and she told you to open your mouth and you did. I know it seems like such a small thing but we are going to celebrate them all! We are all so proud of you!

From mom:
I came by this morning and you were sweating a lot. I changed your gown and pillow cases. Tonight you are just as bad. You seem frustrated that you can't communicate. I tried the blink once for yes and twice for no game but you weren't consistent. I had to put your mitten back on - you were being a big brat. Before I put it on, you reached up and touched your mouth and chin. I love you. Goodnight! I wonder if your cold, you were always cold, even in the summer.

Psalm 34-18
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves who are crushed in spirit...
**I know we all feel broken-hearted. We hurt for Johnny, for each other. We have to stay strong for him, he needs us. We need to lean on God, He wants to help us. He wants to take our pain away so we can be productive for Johnny. Keep praying!!
God Bless!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

August 17, 2009

The nurse said that your doctor wants to cut your feeding tube from 24 hours a day to 23 hours a day. They are also changing it from 75 to 80...I think that's the flow.

Texas Specialty Hospital of Dallas came by while Mom and I were both visiting you today. They are a long term acute care facility. They just showed up out of the blue. The lady that visited with Mom said that she thinks the doctor at Manorcare called them or had them called...anyway, it's a good thing and very encouraging. This facility offers extensive wound care ... in your situation, because your not moving around there is a chance for bedsores. You've already gotten a few little ones on your feet. (mainly because your so tall you slide down in the bed and your feet rest on the foot board - I won't be surprised one bit if mom doesn't bring her Phillips screw driver and removes know she's crazy like that!) They also offer physical therapy several times a day. They will do leg exercises with you so you won't be so stiff. And, they ween patients off of the trachea. That alone would be wonderful! If we are able to keep you in long term acute care long enough to progress, then you can be moved to rehab. That's what we're praying for this week!

I came by to visit with you and I was there for about an hour and Christy, her mom Kathy and Kelsie came by to see you. We visited for a while and then they left. You must have been wore out because you fell asleep and you were so sound that I shaved you. Pretty close shave if I do say so myself....I'm sure you'd say thank you if you could. I didn't even cut you : )

Mickey came by this morning and he said you were all over the place with your right arm. He said you were angry. I think you make him uncomfortable when your like that. I just tell you to stop acting like a brat. It doesn't work, you don't listen but it makes me feel really have been a brat and I'm making a list for you of all the people you need to apologize in particular is Buddy, you pinched him yesterday, pretty hard too!

Mom said that you bumped your IV and you had blood all in the bed. It was the IV that they were suppose to take out (you've got two in your arm) today. I guess they are wishing they had taken it out now. See, your a brat! Mom said she was doing your fingernails on your left hand and you made a terrible face. She said Johnny if that hurts hold up two fingers and you lifted two fingers on your right hand. AMAZING! The things we take for granted. I'm proud of you little brother!!

From mom:
Jackie and I went to Dr. John's office today. She had to get 2 shots for school. Then we went to the dentist to get her teeth cleaned and x-rayed - no cavities! She does need braces though, we'll do that in January. (5pm) Your sleeping, Jennifer wore you out, you have the best sister ever Johnny! Your pneumonia is back with a vengeance. They put in a picc line to give you antibiotics. You will probably be moving again. Diana and I will check out Texas Specialty Hospital near love field tomorrow. It sounds promising. Now that you are waking up, you need more therapy. We're hopeful. I think maybe God is taking over.

August 16, 2009

It is so hard to be away from you. I hate that there are times in your day when your alone. I know that I have other responsibilities, one of which is taking care of your daughter, but it's still hard. You know I told you about what happened to Clint Cross. It's crazy that it happened to you too! Carrie, Casey and Clint's wife, Shellie, have been great! They are so reassuring and positive. It gives us hope! Clint is walking and exciting. Clint came to see you while you were in Parkland. Johnny, I hope when you wake up you can tell me some things. I want to know if you remember the accident. I want to know if you can hear us when we talk to you. I want to know if you know where you are and why and if your scared. I want to take this away for you! I wish so much that we could go back to June 16th and you could make some different choices. I know you'll come out of this, I just need to be patient. I'm trying! It just hurts my heart to see you like this! And, I fear that you might not remember us when you wake up and how scared that might make you. I pray that when God brings you back to us, he gives you your memory....oooh and while He's at it, I pray He filters it and purges the bad stuff! Is that asking too much?

Alex & Iris:
I miss you. We came by to say Hi! And, you recognized us and waved to me and my wife. We miss you and hope that you will get better. Much love!
** Alex & Iris brought you flowers...they are beautiful and smell so good! I need to take a picture of them for you.

Christy and Kelsie:
Kelsie and I came by after church. We got here about 1030am. You woke right up at the sound of our voices. You look a little agitated. More so then on Friday. You pulled my hand to your face. It is now 12pm and you have only closed your eyes a few times. Love it! You are making great progress! I love you lots!

**Mom, Robert, Jackie, and I came to visit you after church. You were very active with your right arm. You were grabbing anything you could get a hold of. You really were a pain in the butt! But, it was a far cry better then how you've been!

Buddy & Tammy:
Tammy and I came to visit with you. You seem very agitated today. You are really moving your right arm. You seem to be grabbing us and pulling us toward you. I can see you getting closer to waking up. I will be glad when you start cussing us because that will mean you are one step closer. Take care, we will be back soon.

***One of the stages of coming out of a coma is agitation...Johnny is there now. The next step, we're told is cussing. Even patients who have never spoken a curse word will use words you've never heard of...something in the brain.

August 15, 2009

Your chest X-ray shows you have pneumonia in your lower left lung. The nurses put in a picc line for antibiotics. This just might be a blessing in disguise. Not the pneumonia part, the IV part. You see, insurance does not stray from their guidelines and we all know it's about saving a buck, not the person. Right now your in what's called by insurance as a skilled nursing facility but it's actually a nursing home. They weren't really prepared for your arrival. I feel like your negative Doctor over at Select Specialty had a hand in having you moved to Manorcare...even if he didn't realize it. Anyway, one of the ways we can get you moved to a long term acute care hospital is for you to have an IV. Well, you do now. Let's pray that will be a good enough reason to get you some better care. Care with some rehabilitation. We're looking out for you little brother. You just concentrate on getting better!!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

August 14, 2009

Johnny, Mickey, Jackie and I came to see you tonight. Mom was still there (I don't know when that woman sleeps!) You were pretty active, playing with your chicken (handheld squeak toy). Jackie rubbed your hands with lotion and for the first time since your accident, she seemed really at ease around you. That was until... The therapist told mom that it would be good if she got a sucker and let you taste it. So, she did. Well, you chomped down on that thing and bit the tip off. Mom yelled for a nurse (you know she's dramatic! ha! It was scary!) You clamped your teeth down and would not budge. I'm telling you Johnny, you are stubborn! I had to pry your teeth open with the end of your toothbrush. Mom and her crazy self decides to stick her finger in there to retrieve the sucker pieces and you bit her so hard! She yelled at me! ME! Like I bit her...You really need to wake up and see now crazy your mother is! Well, then she finally gets the candy out and starts laughing. It was scary...come to think of it, she didn't tell me she was sorry!

I was thinking to I usually do...ha! There really isn't anything that she wouldn't do for you, even sticking her finger into your mouth to retrieve candy that you might choke on. The boundaries of her love for you is endless. As much as she loves you, God loves you more...that is so hard to grasp. He created you. He knows every single hair on your head. He knew you'd be on that road that night, alone. He wasn't done with you Johnny, He sent that truck around the curve, to see you. To call for help. It was all perfectly aligned. God's plan. I know that God doesn't create the circumstances that we get ourselves into but he does use those circumstances to His greater good. I think about my love for Cody, I can't even imagine losing him and yet God sent His perfect son to die for us. Wow! That's love!

You are so loved little brother! You take all the time you need to come back to us. We will be here, patiently waiting and cheering you on for every single accomplishment you have. You raised two fingers on command...PRAISE GOD! I'm so proud of you! Your in there, I know you are. I'll see you soon little brother!

From Mom:
Diana came by - when she said, "Hi Johnny" and leaned in, you reached for her.

From Diana:
You are so active! You pulled my hand to your mouth. Either you kissed my hand or you wanted to smoke. You had such a desperate afraid look on your face. I wish I knew what you are trying to say. I love you so much! I can't come tomorrow but maybe Sunday. I think you are mad about something.

From Melinda:
Came by and you scared me half to death. I'm glad to see you. I miss you a lot. Don't be too mad with me please, the doctor said I couldn't remove your mitt. Sorry 'Johnny babe' doctor's orders! Mrs. Nancy, Johnny looks wonderful! He scared me when I looked up and he was looking right at me. I went running after the nurse for nothing, she said you've been doing that. I felt dumb! Love you guys, I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks for letting me visit.

From Buddy & Tammy:
Johnny, you are so much more awake today then I have seen you before. You are fighting with everyone and trying to mess with your trachea. You keep trying to pull your trachea off and we are trying to get it put back on. I heard that you raised two fingers for the doctor yesterday, that is the best news I've heard so far. I hope they put the medicine to your nerves soon so that it will be easier for you to wake up. Try really hard to get better, it is so hard waiting for you to come back to us. We love you.

From Christy Navratil:
I came to see you today, you fought every way on everything. You tried to pull up to lean into me several times. If you have something to say, wake up and say it! Buddy and Tammy got here right after me, it was a class reunion in your room. I am so proud of the progress you have made, especially yesterday. You are sweating a lot today but, you have been moving a lot too. When I got here, you had managed to pull the side barrier onto your bed by one Velcro string. You were leaning to the right. At first I couldn't figure out what you were doing until we fixed the bed. You moved yourself over on the right, opened your eye an d got back to work on trying to escape from the bed. I know you have so much in you to come out of this. You proved it to me today. You are resting peacefully now so I'm letting you sleep, but I can't wait for you to wake up! Love you lots! ***I got here around 10am and he woke up for 10 minutes right before 2pm. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him until I was hugging him, then he let go and stayed awake for a little longer. I asked him if he knew who I was to squeeze my hand 2 x and he did. All I could do was cry and try to keep talking to him to keep him awake.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

August 13, 2009

You had a doctors appointment today at 9am. The ambulance picked you up at 8am and they let mom ride along to the appointment at UT Southwest. You had an appointment with Dr. Winn, he's the doctor that will put in the pump. He evaluated you. Mom called me about 9:30. She was crying and the reception was really bad and I was terrified because we lost the connection. She called me right back and she was laughing and crying. She said that the doctor told you if you could hear him to raise two fingers. You raised two fingers. Amazing! You heard him, you knew what two was. You knew what raise meant. Dr. Winn said that your not considered to be in a coma anymore, your considered to be coming out of the coma. PRAISE GOD!!! All the glory is HIS!! I'm telling you Johnny, God's not through with you yet! Well, Mom said that when you got back to Manorcare that you were snoring and had your mouth wide open. You were very limp and relaxed. After yesterday, that's excellent! Continue to pray...God's working miracles in Johnny!

From Mom:
Dr. Winn is changing the times you get your medicines so you can sleep at night. He can't put in the Baclofen pump until your second bout of pneumonia is gone. Soon, I hope! You are deliberately squeaking the are amazing me! Love you.

August 12, 2009

Johnny, I had not planned to come see you today. I took Jackie shopping in Waxahachie and she was excited to get home and hang her clothes up, etc. I had this overwhelming desire to visit you. Like I just needed to check on you. I told Jackie that I wanted to go and I bribed her with Starbucks. Well, we headed that way. When I walked into your room, you were laying on your left side. You had your right eye wide open but it wasn't moving back and forth like it does. I thought you were dead. I walked closer to you and I could see you were having labored breathing. You had pulled your trachea completely out, there was snot everywhere and you had a handful of your gown and bed sheet two inches from the whole. I told Jackie, who was terrified, to get a nurse. She couldn't find one. I said, go to the front and tell them it was an emergency. She did. 6 nurses came running in and one of them just shoved the trachea back into the hole. I didn't think that was very sanitary. I was crying. Jackie was ushered out by the front desk lady. She was crying. When I was sure you were stable, I went to find Jackie. I talked to her about what she saw and we called mom. I called Mickey to come pick Jackie up. You really scared me Johnny! I've been sick about the "what if's"...I'm not ready to lose you. Diana came by when she got off work. She checked you out and stayed with you until mom got there. Johnny, do you know how much your loved? Can you hear us when we cry over you? We miss you! We need you to come back to us! And, Please! Please! Don't ever do that to me again! XO Jen

From Kelsie:
Hey Johnny, it's me, Christy's daughter. You have only met me when I was little. Now I'm 11 years old. I hope you wake up to see me and my mom. So, Johnny I can't wait. Hope you get better. I love you.

From Mom:
You look so handsome lying there. Wake up and charm the nurses.

August 10, 2009

You got your T-bar today. It's not the same as what you had before... You know, mom said it best when she told me that no place will ever be good one will ever take better care of you then your family. I just wish we were in a position to do that. Maybe when your awake. Maybe. Well, your oxygen treatments should be easier now. Johnny, I want you to know that we are taking good care of Jackie. You are so loved! XO

From Jackie:
I came by with Aunt Jennifer today and you coughed and I heard your voice! It sounded like when you would yawn really load and try to make me laugh or it was when you were singing to me. I miss you Daddy! Hurry up and wake up so you can sing to me and make me laugh. I don't like you this way! It's scary. You've slept long enough, don't you think? You need to wake up! I love you and miss you so much!

August 9, 2009

Johnny received a pneumonia vaccine today.

Johnny, you had lots of family come by today. It was standing room only for a while. After everyone left, I cleaned your ears and nose. I rubbed your hair with a wet rag and you seemed to like it...did you? Am I just seeing what I want to? Mom cleans your feet and hands every day. Diana checks all your tubes and checks you for bed sores. She checks your trachea out really good. I guess we all have our different things we do for you to feel useful. Your accident has been really hard on the men in your life too! Dad, Mickey, Robert...they are so upset. We all handle our grief differently but the truth remains, you are loved!

August 8, 2009

Dr. Ngu (Nuh-goo) came by to see Johnny. He's his new Doctor. He's ordering a T-bar for the trachea. Apparently Manorcare wasn't prepared for Johnny's arrival. We found out that it's against Manorcare's policy to restrain Johnny. They say it's against his rights...crazy! Johnny is reaching and grabbing...he's pulled out several IV's. This is going to be a problem. The nurses here seem really kind. Johnny's receiving his Baclofen med in the morning so he's drowsy in the am not the pm. Please continue to pray for Johnny.

August 7, 2009

Johnny, I got Jackie registered for 7th grade. She's a little shy but excited. When I got to the hospital to see you, I had an hour before the paramedics came to move you to your new place. I gave you a really close shave, wiped you down and cleaned you up. I put a new gown on you and packed the rest of your things. Christy came by to see you before you left on the ambulance. Jackie and I followed you to seemed really agitated. The new place seems ok...I wish it didn't have to be like this at all! It's hard on Jackie to see you like this! It's hard on all of us! We stayed until you were settled in. You looked more relaxed by the time we left. I love you Johnny! We need you back! I feel strongly that God's not done with you! He's got a plan for you and when you wake up, you're going to have an awesom testimony! Love you little brother! Jen

August 5, 2009

Christy Navratil:
Johnny, me, mom and Kelsie came to see you today. You have got to get well. We have girls that need to be close like we always were. Before I left today you kept opening your eye. You kept it open for a long while. I told you to relax so recovery might be a little easier. I just want you to wake up soon so we can be close again. Love you.

Jackie came by today.

Well it certainly is better without that darn collar. Yay! for your big sister. You look like there is psuedomones in your trachea. How long can you do this? It is so hard to bear. Leroy text'd me today. He still misses you. All the crew does. We closed on the Red Oak house. We are offically homeless. We miss you terribly even tho' we rarely saw you. I wish things had been different. Love you so!

Dr. Attiah came by - chest x-ray is normal - blood count is normal. The green in the jar does not mean infection as I thought it did. He said as long as you are coughing it up it is okay. He even spared with Johnny - the boxing gloves are a nice touch. Without the cfollar he has got to feel good enough to wake up...Right?

August 4, 2009

From Dad & Diana:
Hi Johnny! We love you!!

Buddy & Tammy Brooks:
Tammy and I as well as Christy came to see you today. You seem to be doing well. Your much more relaxed because you seem to be sleeping really well. Your mom said they were going to be moving you soon. I will come visit as soon as I find out where you are moved to. Take Care.

Christy Navratil:
Johnny, I came to see you as soon as I found out. You look good. You just need to wake up! You seem to be as honoree as ever! Get well soon!

August 3, 2009

From Jennifer:
I came to see you today and your arms weren't restrained. Your trachae was in the floor, there was snot everywhere and you had pulled out your IV. Yes, I let the nurse have it! I cleaned you all up, put on a new gown and you seemed more comfortibvle. This is so hard Johnny! Please wake up! Tomorrow is 7 weeks. 7 Weeks!! Love you! XO

August 2, 2009

From Mom:
Hi Johnny,
Jen and I gave you a haircut, shampoo and a shave today. It was harder than I eimagined. I miss you! Wake up!

August 1, 2009

From Jennifer:
Well, your still asleep. You have a new room mate. You should wake up and say hello. Jackie says that hello is the first word in friendship...I think she saw that on television. We made it through the night with Jackie's new puppy, Izzy. She's doing really good with her new dog. It's really hard seeing you this way. You've rubbed a sore on your left hand...odd because it's the one you don't use. Get well soon Johnny! I love you!

July 26 - 31, 2009

From Diana:
I had a dream about your Friday night in which I had come to visit and you were sitting up in bed, talking to me. You told me how much you loved Jackie, your Mom and Jennifer. You asked me how long you had been out. When can I leave? You said. You said you remembered going around the curve but that was all. Consequently Johnny, you never made it around the curve. I felt so good in the dream. I sat on the side of your bed and you held my hand. I am going home soon, we have to pack. We wish you could share our excitement. We would love moving if we had you too! I love you so! Your daddy is here too.
From Jennifer:
Went to church this morning, there are a lot of prayers being lifted up for you. I hope you can feel them. Jackie and Mickey are here. It's so hard for Jackie to see you like this. I try not to stay long when I bring her. I looked at your right eye today, compared to your left it seems better. Am I just wishing? I hope your not suffering Johnny. I love you! XO

From Mom & Robert:
We changed your gown and took your boots off to let your feet air out. I need to take your brace off and shave you. It's such a job. I'll be glad when your neck heals.
From Granny Holub:
Johnny, I came to see you. Sorry I can't come more often. I love you so very much.
From Jackie:
Daddy, I came by with Aunt Jennifer Today. I have been coming with her. I got my cell phone today. It's Cody's old one. I love you and miss you. Get better soon! Love you Daddy!!
From Jennifer:
You don't seem as alert to me today. Your coughing a lot. It is so hard seeing you this way. Last night we had a prayer meeting and you were lifted up. Jackie too! You are on the prayer lists of so many people. I'm trying to be patient. You are so missed. Love you little brother! XO
From Mom:
Left boots off - beginning of a sore on Johnny's left heel. Doctor was to do chest x-ray today. Don't know results. Lots of mucus. Your face looks yellow to me. There's so much to worry about, I hardly know where to start. I love you sweetie. I wish I could take this bitter cup from you!
From Jackie:
I think you've slept long enough. You are very loved by so many people! I love you and miss you! You are in my prayers!
From Jennifer:
Your running a fever, wet all over from sweat. I changed your gown, pillow cases and sheets. I wish there was more I could do for you. Love you Johnny! XO
From Cody & Bailey:
Hey, Bailey and I came by today to see you. You were giving my mom a hard time when she was trying to situate you. Get better man. Love you!
From Mom:
Sweating again. Nurse had to replace the electrodes again. Your right eye isn't so wild tonight. You look miserable and I don't know how to help you.
From Mickey:
Hey Johnny, came by to see you after work. It is hard to see you this way. I wonder if you know when people are here. You seem to react sometimes then others you don't. The women in your life need you back, it's as hard to watch them as it is to watch you. We all love you so much and need you back. Jackie needs her daddy. She cried for you Sunday night, for over an hour. It was very difficult to watch her suffer like that. All we could do was hold her. Your the one that can make her feel better by waking up.
From Jackie:
Hi Daddy. I miss you and so does Aunt Jennifer, Uncle Mickey and Gilley! You need to wake up and take me to the circus. You also need to wake up and tell Aunt Jennifer Happy Birthday!!! We all miss you Daddy. Wake up!
From Jennifer:
The doctor came in while I was here and said your pneumonia is gone. Praise God! He's going to take you off the antibiotics. Mom, Diana and I are going to check out a few places on Saturday to move you to. You know insurance, saving a buck is real important...until it's their loved one, huh? Well, today is my 40th Birthday and it's just not the same without you teasing me about getting old. All I want is for you to wake up. Once you do, we can start you on the road to recovery. It's so hard for me to be patient, I want you back now! Makes you realize that we're only guaranteed today. I wish I had told you more how much I love you. How proud of you I am. I know it's not easy being a single parent and working all the time. Johnny, your family needs you! You know our parents are getting older, don't you leave me alone to take care of them! Someone needs to help me hose them off in the front yard! Ha! (that was for mom!) Well, take the time you need to get better and I'll work on being more patient. I love you. I love you. I love you. I miss you too!
From Jackie:
Hi Daddy! Your work is getting me tickets to go to the circus. I wish you were taking me. I love and miss you!
From Mom:
I shaved you, put some new pads around your collar and on your tummy. Put Karasol on your feet. I hope it helps. See you tomorrow. I hope we all wake up from this nightmare soon and find you are all ok. I love you! P.S. Quit grinding your teeth!
From Jackie:
Hi Daddy! I miss you and love you! Come home now!! I miss you so much!! XOXOXOX
From Mickey:
Hey Johnny, came by with Jennifer and Jackie. The doctor told them to get some different things for you to hold, different textures, etc. He said to try some dog toys. They got you a chicken that squeaks. You seem to like it. Wake up any time now.
From Mom:
You're frowning. What are you thinking? You may move in a few days or a week. Jen, Diana & I are going to check out a couple of places tomorrow. The Dr. is checking with insurance about putting a pump to send muscle relaxer to your spinal fluid. It's easier on your liver and won't make you sleepy like the meds do now. It is encouraging. Wake up so we can start rehab! Aunt Maggie and Uncle Ken came by. Your pulmonary doctor is Granny Holub's doctor too. Diana used to work with him. The nurse and aide turned you and you were too close to the rail and hit your eyebrow. You have a tiny cut. The nurse felt so bad. She was petting you and talking to you.

July 19 - 25, 2009

From Diana:
You had your IV restarted today and you didn't flinch. Your heart rate is up and the nurses became concerned. Can you believe t hat? You are doing nothing different. Your heart rate goes up and down. Your sweating. I did your exercises but the one nurse wanted me to cool it because I think they think it's my fault your heart rate is up. Me and your dad were here on your birthday. We didn't write anything, what can you say? Not such a "happy" birthday. Everyone loves you. We are all spoiling Jackie rotten, not that she wasn't already. We miss you, we love you, we pray for your recovery. Margaret has arranged 14 masses for you. Mom, Dad, Aunt Neva, and Uncle Howard call all the time to check on you. They love you very much too. Uncle Howard has been very upset since your accident because you had recently visited with him. He spent several days going out to the accident site trying to figure out why; He still can't over it when you talk to him...the hows of it all. I was cleaning out the cabinet and found pictures. One particularly of you and Jackie looking at the camera. We were at Ashley and Ryan's wedding. Love you.
From Jennifer:
Mickey and I went to mom's today to get your truck. Cody's going to detail it for you. I know it seems like a small thing but doing anything for you feels good. It's really hard to see you like this! Jackie's doing good, it's hard on her to see you so we limit her visits. She loves you Johnny and she needs you. We all do. Love you! XO
From Mickey:
Hey Johnny, just sitting here watching your mom and sister wash your hair. You don't look too happy right now. I'm sure it will feel better when they are done. You are very lucky to have them. See ya soon.
From Mom:
Your getting your antibiotics. You'll be getting it every 6-8 hours. Your right lung is clear but your left lung still has pneumonia. I gave you a pedicure. Your feet look much better but have a long way to go. I love you!
From Bailey:
Came by to see you. It's about 3:45 and your looking really good today. Your moving your hands around a lot. The nurse said your having a good day. Your always in my prayers.
From Cody:
Came by today to see you. You looked good and the nurse said you were having a good day. Love you.
From Mom:
You're sleeping - guess you got a dose of something recently. You wouldn't let me move your arms. I'll try your legs before I leave. Sure wish you would wake up! I took off a couple of days from work - I'll try to catch the doctor and therapist. I love you! I'm going home now, I'll see you in the morning.
From Diana:
Hey Johnny! You opened your eye when I called your name. You seem to focus on me when I'm talking to you. Your dad says you responded the same way to him. Can we officially say your awake? When you are awake, we can begin your therapy.
From Mom:
5 weeks today...enough already! You're yawning, too much sleep maybe? They gave you something to help you wake up. Your right eye is open. You don't want to exercise. They'll give you a muscle relaxer at 2 pm. You're listening to El Divo, maybe you'll wake up speaking Spanish or Italian. 12:30 pm, Your rehab doctor came by, he's giving you a med they normally give Alzheimer patients to improve memory. He's starting a 6 hour infusion to help calcium. Will check blood twice for electrolytes. The occupational therapist is due today to discuss collar change.
From Jennifer:
Jackie and I brought you some relaxation CD's. That seems so silly, can you be anymore relaxed then you are now? Jackie hung balloons and brought you a card. She's missing her Daddy. Wake up soon little brother!
From Jackie:
Daddy, I brought you a card and I brought balloons and blew them up and put them on the wall in a heart shape. I love you and miss you! Get well soon!
From Valerie:
I keep thinking I'm going to come and visit you and your going to be sitting up in bed and planning an escape! I'm praying for you harder than I've prayed for anything or anyone! We want to see your smile. I love you more than I realized! Just read your journal and realized - I missed your birthday. I thought it was today - see, I'm still a dork! Your lung doctor came in and you opened your right eye up wide!!! Is he in your escape plan? Love you!
From Mom:
I took your boots off so your feet could rest tonight. You are coughing a lot of mucus and making a horrible face. They gave you a calcium infusion today and took a blood culture. I buffed your feet and put lotion on them. I hope that's a good thing to do. There is so little we can do to help you. You'll be moving again soon - to a skilled nursing facility. Where? We don't know yet.... I love you!!
From Jackie:
Daddy, I held your hand, you keep putting your hand up like you wanted someone to hold your hand so I held it and you squeezed. I love you so much and I'm praying for you. I'm going up to the American Idol concert today. Is 116 a good row? How about seat 11-14? I wish you were there with me. I miss you. I love you so much!!! Jackie - a.k.a. your jack-o-lantern.
From Jennifer:
Wow! You have a opened your eye when I said your name. Do you know me? I know you hear me, but do you know it's me? I miss you so much. I was looking at some pictures of you last night, why wouldn't you ever look at the camera? I wish I had some good ones of you. I love you Johnny. Wake up soon Bud! I'm praying! XO
From Dad & Diana:
Me and your Dad are here. We saw your Mom a little while too. We miss you so much! We love you!
From Jennifer:
Johnny, I don't know what's good anymore. You opened your eyes when I said your name. I prayed over your today...specifically for each part of your body. I know God is holding you in his healing hands. I know I just need to be patient. Jackie misses you! I miss you! Love you! XO
From Jackie:
Daddy, I miss you! Aunt Jennifer misses you too! I love you and want you to come home. I am praying for you every night! Get better soon! XOXOXOXOX
From Mickey:
I came by today to pick up your Jack-o-lantern. The nurses are working you over but you didn't seem to mind. Get well soon man! I'm praying for you.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

July 12 - 18, 2009

From Diana:
We did arm exercises and I sang to you. The nurses told me I could be the next American Idol. Actually, she meant "Don't quit your day job." I love you.
From Jackie: You need to wake up and see how much these people love you. I really miss you!! Aunt Jennifer bought me a webkinz yesterday. I usually can't stay in your room. It's just too scary seeing you like this. Come home Daddy, Please, I need you!!
From Mickey:
Sunday afternoon, it's been almost 4 weeks. It's hard to believe it's been that long. Lots of things have changed... Jackie has Cody's old room and her and Jennifer have painted it. Cody has signed up for EMT school and starts next month along with his college classes. Speaking of Cody, he got back with Bailey. We are all happy about that. You looked calm today like you have something on your mind. I hope it is that your going to wake up.
From Jennifer:
You've been asleep for so long! Tuesday will be four weeks. I'll be turning 40 soon...are you trying to steal my thunder? You keep holding your fingers like your holding a pencil. I think your trying to write me a letter! Johnny it's hard to see you like this, I know you have so much to give, you need to wake up and start giving me a hard time. I love you little brother! XO
From Mom:
You were pretend writing yesterday so we put a pen in your hand. You held it. I wonder what you were thinking. They did a CT scan today - you are waking up more and you keep your right hand going. I wish I could help you. Stopped antibiotics. Had full dose. White blood cell count is 6.7 now...was 13.
Had CT scan. Per physical therapy doctor, he is checking to see if bleeding on right lower hemisphere is old or new. Took you off blood thinner until he knows. Probably tomorrow. If old, the moving your doing is a good sign he is a solid two moving to a three. Johnny you've been given a medication to try to wake you up some. We will see you become more agitated. The more the better. If your reaching for areas of discomfort, that is good. As you progress you will become very agitated and even express some not so pretty words. Another good sign.
From Diana:
Hi Johnny, you are at Peace right now. When we came in you looked miserable. Encouraging words from the doctor. I think any thing you do is better. It is very painful to see your mom and dad worry over you so. You would be proud of them though. All that matters is you getting better. Everything else is immaterial. We are looking for a place to live. You will be here, we will be there. It's hard to think about. I wish we would have waited. We are both so sad about it. But, we are certain that everything will be ok. We can't wait to talk to you again. Love you.
From Diana:
Hey! I called your name and you opened your eye. Did you mean to? I can't get you to do anything consistently, but what's new? I ask you to wiggle your thumb, you squeeze my hand. I say every one's name, you look at me. I think, I hope. I tell you about your accident, you become agitated. The PT Doctor moves your left leg easily, you don't want him to touch your right leg. You try to raise up, I think it hurt. You looked at him too. He says awake and agitated is better than asleep. I call your name a few times and you raised your eyelid and looked at me - did you? We love you.
From Jennifer:
Today is four weeks. I don't understand. I want so badly for you to wake up. I want you to hear me tell you I love you. I didn't tell you enough before your accident. Did you know? I'm taking good care of Jackie. She seems to be doing okay. She has her sad moments, usually around bed time. I took her to get her physical for 7th grade. She is 5'3.5". She's grown so much this summer. You are constantly on her mind and we pray together for you. Cody and Bailey took her to the water park today. She seemed excited about that. She adores Cody. They have a very close relationship. You'll be happy to know Cody is looking out for her. Johnny, I want you to wake up. I want to talk with you. I have so many things to tell you. I have so many questions for you. I miss you like crazy! I'm ready for you to come back to us! Mom, Dad & Diana need you to wake up. So many people love you Johnny! I love you! XO
From Mom:
They don't have a prior CT Scan here to compare yesterday's to because this is the first one they took here. They've had to request the records from Parkland...maybe tomorrow.
From Diana:
I stayed home today but need to get back to work! My boss let me work from home because I wanted to see what I could do to help get your CT reports, MRI's from PMH. I had a lengthy conversation with your PT Doctor. What a great guy he is. Johnny he really has your best interests at heart. He's making some medication adjustments. He stressed the importance of us moving your limbs about in range motion. You really fight it. He is going to give you more meds for the muscle spacticity and raise your Ritalin a little. The doctor says we should orient you to person, time, date - on every visit.
From Mom:
The nurse said they may move you today to a room. Progress! They just gave you a muscle relaxer. Your BP & HR are elevated. I let you listen to Pat Green and threw in some Beach Boys. Maybe you don't like my choice of music. I love you sweetie.
From Jackie:
Daddy, I'm going to American Idol. I love you sooooo much! I wish you could go!! I'm praying for you! Love you! Bye-bye Daddy!
From Jennifer: Love you Johnny. Take care Bud! XO
From Mom:
Johnny keeps trying to move his left arm but has a large bump by his elbow. When I bent his arm he screwed his face up in pain. I'm telling the nurse this, please follow up when you visit. There are lemon glycerin swab sticks in the drawer...Johnny seems to like these.
From Diana:
Good morning sweetie - you are resting very well this morning. You barely opened your right eye when I yelled your name. You don't appreciate the mouth swabs this morning either. I'm sorry for your elbow. It is definitely more swollen today. The person at the desk says x-ray will be here this morning. No one knows if they got your CT & MRI reports. What's so darn hard about looking at your chart? I love you!

From Jennifer:
Your new room is nice, you have a really nice view of the side yard that lets light come in. I know you'd much rather be outside then where you are. I took Jackie to get her hair cut, she looks really pretty and seems to love her new style. She's been working really hard on a poster for you for your birthday and we brought it tonight so you will have it tomorrow for your big day. You seem like your sleeping good - your snoring. So, Mom has decided to do your exercises...I'm thinking she thinks you've slept long enough. Love you Johnny! Enough is enough, wake up! XO
From Jackie:
Jackie says, it's too hard to see her dad like this.
From Mom:
Good news! They got the old CT scans from Parkland and compared them to the new ones. They do not see any new bleeding. The nurse said they took an x-ray but she did not know the results. I rubbed lotion on your feet and bent your knees as much as you would let me. I lifted your left arm up and down and it did not seem to bother you. Twice was all you allowed before you stiffened up. You are coughing up a lot of stuff tonight.
From Bailey:
Came by with Cody again today to wish you a happy birthday. I continue to pray for you and your family every day.
From Cody:
Hey Johnny, Happy birthday! Your resting well. Love ya!
From Jennifer:
Mickey, Jackie & I came by to see you. Today is your birthday. I was really hoping you'd wake up today. I know it's not on my time. I love you Johnny.
From Mickey:
You seem very comfortable even though you have two moms and a sister fussing all over you. I hope you can see how much the three of them love you. When you wake up they will probably all three sleep for weeks.
From Jackie:
Daddy, Happy Birthday!! I love you!!
From Jennifer:
Love you Johnny! I'm still praying bud! XO

Monday, August 10, 2009

July 5 - 11, 2009

July 5th
From Diana:
I hope, I think you were looking at me with a half raised eyelid. You are moving your right arm. You are yawning. She did arm & leg exercises with you.
From Jennifer:
I was really overwhelmed by all the visitors today. It was really nice seeing everyone but I think you were a little over stimulated. Your heart rate was in the 150's. By the time we left, it was down to 88.
From mom:
You bent your left leg at the knee and made my day! I was afraid you couldn't move your legs. Your still coughing up a lot of yuck from your lungs. You keep having apnea and not breathing for several seconds. I nudge you and tell you to breath. Who does that when none of us are here? No place will ever be good enough, if you wake up maybe I can take you home.
July 6th
From Diana:
Cleaned your mouth and teeth today, you yawned and looked right at me with your right eye. Your very stiff today, I can't get you to move without causing your heart to race.
From Dad:
Got good news from your physical therapy doctor today. He said we can start working all of your joints now...knees, legs, ankles, arms and shoulders. Stand by, all pain will be given with love. You opened your eyes again today.
July 7th
From Diana:
7am - You did your exercises with out stiffness. You opened your right eye again today. Your color is better and you are not running fever.
From mom:
6pm - You keep opening your right eye. You had a pool of sweat in your right ear, your running fever again.
July 8th
From Diana:
You look uncomfortable. I think you have fever. You are sweating a bunch and posturing. I can't get you to loosen up for exercises today. You are yawning a lot.
From Jennifer:
You pulled your IV out twice today. I think you might be snoring ... seriously, you've slept enough. Good grief!
From Mickey:
Came by this afternoon after work and you look very peaceful. The nurse said you have been calm. They gave you a bath and a shave. Your not coughing as much either.
July 9th
From Diana:
When I got here, you looked so uncomfortable, your moving your right arm a lot. Moving your mouth like your trying to say something. You opened your right eye but there is no focus. Both your eyes are dilated today and you have a lot of secretions. You did your arm exercises though.
From Dad:
While I was holding your hand, you opened your right eye and focused on me. I called nurse Anita over and we both talked to you. You were moving your lips and squeezing my hand the whole time. I pray that it won't be long before you wake up.
From Jackie:
Daddy, Hi! I was holding your hand and you kept squeezing it. You keep opening your right eye. I love you and I miss you.
From mom:
You are grasping with your right hand. The doctor says it is more than just reflex. You pull at your sheet and once your fingers touched the suction tube. Don't be pulling anything out tonight.
July 10th
From mom:
6am - They had to tie down your wayward right hand. You look peaceful this morning. It makes it easier to go to work. 12:30pm - You look calm and peaceful right now.
From Diana:
You are in a puddle of sweat, the fever is back.
From Jennifer:
7am - Looks like your IV slipped out or you pulled it because your leaking fluids all on your right side. I'm waiting in the family room while they get you all cleaned up. When I came back in, you turned your head in my direction. I hope it's because you knew it was me. Johnny, your daughter misses you so much! I know your trying to come back to us. We'll try to be patient. Love you little brother!
July 11th
From mom:
The doctors are giving you Ritalin. It's's shown to help with brain injuries. Your sleeping soundly.
From Bailey:
She put lotion on your hands. She said your hands were rough...she said your definitely a man's man.
From Cody:
Hey Johnny, I came by with my friends to see you today. You were calm. I guess you were resting. I'll see you soon. Love you!

July 4, 2009

Mickey and I came to see you today and you were sweating from head to toe. The nurse said your fan quit working so we went to Wal-mart and got you a new one. It felt so good to be able to do that for you. Jackie brought you a stuffed monkey today. She thought you would love it. She's been making you lots of pictures too.

July 3, 2009

Biggest problem I'm having is waiting...I keep telling myself it's not my time, it's God's time. We are all still praying. Your doing about the same today. Jackie needs you to wake up, we all do!

July 2, 2009

I did your arm exercises with you and you were very stubborn, stiffening up your arms. You are still very strong. I washed your face with a wet wash rag and cleaned your nose. You didn't like that at all! You opened your right eye half way, two times. I was so excited I started crying. I tried to get you to do it again but you wouldn't. The nurse said it was progress. So many people are praying for you Johnny. We all love you and miss you very much. This is ridiculous Johnny, you've been asleep long enough!

July 1, 2009

You're coughing a lot today. You're starting to open your right eye a tiny slit. That's exciting! I cut your fingernails and rubbed your hands with lotion. You would hate all this attention. You had a breathing treatment while I was visiting you, you seemed real calm during it. You have so many people lifting you up in prayer. I wonder can you feel it? Can you hear us when we talk to you? Are you in any pain? You look so uncomfortable in your neck brace. Johnny, please wake up!

June 29, 2009

Mom went by this morning to see you and she was so disappointed. This place was so clean but you weren't. Mom spoke to someone in charge and you shined like a new penny when she got done with them! She's your advocate Johnny...wake up and thank her!!

June 28, 2009

They are going to move you by ambulance to Select Specialty today around 4:30 pm. You're moving your right arm a lot and clenching your fist. Your heart rate goes up...I don't know why you're so agitated. You're coughing a lot today. You still have a couple of spots of pneumonia. Dad and Diana stayed with you until the ambulance got you loaded up. They followed you to Select Specialty and stayed with you until you were settled in. You're in the ICU Department. Do you even know what's going on? Are you scared? You're loved!

June 27, 2009

You've had a lot of visitors, even a few from California (Aunt Donna & Uncle Gary). Mom, Dad, Diana & Aunt Donna went to Select Specialty to check it out. They are wanting to move you to an acute care hospital. Everyone was impressed with the place so they are suppose to move you tomorrow. I have been packing up your house. It's so hard Johnny. I'm putting everything in tubs and labeling them. Then I've got a list going so you'll know what's in each tub. Mom put me in charge of this project and I have to tell you it's one of the hardest things I've done in a while. I miss you so bad and to see all your stuff ... it's hard! I've found things you've kept from our childhood, stuff I had forgotten all about. Johnny, I want nothing more then to unpack your stuff and set up your new house. My heart aches. Please wake up!

June 26, 2009

They took spinal fluid last night to check for infection. Your white blood count is high but they can't find where the infection is. They don't think it's the spinal column but have to rule that out. The OT gave Diana some exercises for us to do with your arms. The doctor said your pneumonia is clearing up. They give you propanold to lower your heart rate. It stays around 120. And he sleeps...

Update email from Dad & Diana:
Hello everybody,
I don't have a lot to tell you right now. Johnny is the same. Still sleeping. Still has those episodes of "thyroid storm". Some times worse than others. Did I tell you we worked w/ the Occupational therapist yesterday? She showed us some exercises to do with him. I think it is good therapy for him and us. He started bending his arms where he was doing nothing but stiffening them before. It doesn't seem purposeful. He looks like he could open his eyes at any minute and say, "Hey, what the hell...?" Tomorrow Nancy and I are going over to Specialty Select..I think that's the name of it. It is a LTAC (long term acute care) hospital. We hope it’s a good place. Its in DeSoto so that will be good for all of us for him to be closer. They want to move him there straight from SICU, I think. Everyone is exhausted. But we hate to be gone from his bedside. We like to wish he may do something like wake up and we'd all be there to take him home.
I've learned so much the past week and a half. I learned that I could still be a nurse. If my body will let me, I can still do it. I'm glad to know that. It is truly in your blood when God calls on you to be a nurse. I haven't forgotten how and I have picked up easily on the technology I'm surrounded by. I do like knowing that. I'm going to take each day as a lesson and an opportunity from God to build my relationship with Him. Things are what they are.
I hope you all know it does me a lot of good to be able to talk to you. There are many others I need to add as so many people have called, facebook'd, texted… But I have some short term memory loss going on. Part of me still does not believe this is happening. We need you too. Thank you for you calls and the well wishes for our sweet boy. I know this note is all over the place but I'm feeling that way right now.
Love to all.
Diana and Johnny

June 25, 2009

Well, you have developed pneumonia. Your having breathing treatments and your coughing is so scary, it effects your whole body. They are giving you IV antibiotics. Mom's been by your side constantly much so that she's been giving tours of the hospital. You know that woman will make friends everywhere! Speaking of friends, you have a lot of friends visiting. You've got so many people that love you.

June 24, 2009

Your heart rate keeps going up. It got up to 220 today but it could have been because you were shivering. Mom's been talking with a lady at your work, she's arranging for your STD & LTD. Your starting to pull your right arm up to your stomach. We're being told that's part of your brain injury. Your lifting that hand a little. Your breathing seems labored and your shivering alot. They have you on a bed that cools you to keep your fever down. The center of the brain that regulates temperature is part of the brain that was injuried and that's why you keep having fevers. Johnny, you really need to wake up, your little girl needs you!

Update email from Dad & Diana:
We continue to be overwhelmed by the outpour of love we have experienced since last Tuesday. Thank you all so much.
Johnny continues to be the same except they add medical support daily … . He got a special bed to help prevent breakdown today. He is doing fine with the trach. They began weaning him from the vent today and he did ok. Has just the trach collar on most of the time. He has a "thyroid storm" now and then. Yesterday it was almost constant but only experienced it a couple of times today with the trembling, temperature and heart rate spikes. They are giving him medication to get that under control.
He has lots of visitors. Mainly the people he worked with. Tonight was the Eric Clapton concert and he was really looking forward to that. He called me months ago to let me know it was coming up. I could never understand why he couldn't get tickets for the good shows for me….??? The security director for AAC came today to visit. He said he always knew Johnny did lots of things, things above and beyond what his job description was but they realized how much that he really did without them knowing when they began to prepare for this big event. Those guys are really missing him and his strong work ethic and friendship. It has been so touching to hear how much he meant to their lives and how he had become a part of so many of them.
The biker friends are planning a benefit ride for him on July 11. I will send you all information when I get it. ( If you want to walk on the wild side for a little while…might be fun, huh.) You don't have to ride to attend. Food and rock and roll, raffles and stuff like that. They are so sweet.
I will try to start posting just every other day because I don't want my messages to become stale for you or a pain in your Inbox.
Please continue to pray for him. We know that God is listening.

Love to all
Diana and Johnny

June 21, 2009

You have bruises on your arms. We decided that it must have been caused by the windshield of your motorcycle.'s from the nurses pinching you to get a response. You had a little fever last night and were given Tylenol. You've lost some of your scabs so your starting to look more like yourself. Today they had to draw arterial gas from a vein in your foot. Two male nurses tried - you jerked, clenched your teeth and coughed. Then a female nurse tried and you didn't even move. What's that about Johnny? Some of Dad's biker friends are planning a benefit for you and Jackie ... I don't know the date yet. You would laugh if you saw mom, for three days she's been wearing two different colors of socks. One brown and one black... you know she's crazy! Wake up so we can make fun of her!! Mom and Robert picked up your bike from the storage place they towed it to. It looks like it fell on it's nose. We expected it to be bent in two judging by your injuries. I wish we knew what happened. Did you lose control? Were you forced off the road? So many questions that only you can answer and you might not even remember...We're still praying, that's all we can do for you now. Please wake up!

Update email from Dad & Diana:
His daddy and I were blessed to be able to spend most of the day with him. He did get his trach done and did fine. He is still unconscious. They are giving him pain medications IV and tube feedings. I can see his eyes moving behind his eyelids and his eye lashes flutter but when I open his eyes, there is no response still. Due to the type of head injury he has, his temperature is out of whack and some other vital signs are abnormal from time to time. They've started him on medication to hopefully regulate the autonomic nervous system. We expect them to move him to a room anytime. He will go to rehab and then work toward an Acute long term care place. We appreciate your prayers. We have at least someone from all faiths praying for him. ... Even the Buddhists (thanks Maggie). We know there is a lot of power in prayer and that God does work miracles. There is so much to think about now but we continue to focus on each day and getting through it. Please remember his mom, Nancy, in your prayers. She has been the rock for everyone and we don't want her to collapse under the weight of it all. I've always loved Nancy but I truly love her more now and have drawn strength from her each day.
Thank you for the prayers, phone calls, cards and love you have shown us. We will update you as we get new "news".

Diana and Johnny

June 20, 2009

Mom went to your house today and packed up all your valuables. She made sure that anything you had that needed to be taken care of was. The doctors took the shunt out of your head today. We see this as progress. It was there to drain the fluid off your brain. You are breathing on your own. Your sedative has been cut back too. Your work sent tons of food to the hospital, mom shared it with the nurses. They are taking such good care of you. If you will open your eyes, you will see that mom hung a picture of Jackie above your bed. She's missing you Johnny. Mom moved your pets down to her house, she's taking care of them while you sleep. Your friends have been coming by, I mean old friends, from high school! It's like a reunion, you would hate all the fuss! We heard that they are going to do your trachea tomorrow. You will be so much more comfortable. I say that, but are you uncomfortable? Do you realize what's going on? Will you know us when you wake up? I have so many questions ... I need you to wake up so we can talk. Love you!

Update email from Dad & Diana:
I'm getting ready to go back to the hospital. We got the MRI results yesterday and the report was sadder than before. The Neuro team have left us little hope. He definitely has severe Diffuse Axonal Injury. He likely will not wake up. He will be in the hospital for the next month and maybe longer. Afterwards he will go to long-term care.
We know God can work miracles and we are asking a miracle but we understand the reality.
Thank you for your prayers.
We love you all.
Diana and Johnny

June 19, 2009

A nurse at Parkland explained to us today what type of brain injury you have. She said that you have damage to the nerve endings. Each nerve ending sends a command to a certain part of your body. We won't know for sure until you wake up where the damage is. Meaning, you could be blind, paralized or even a vegetative state. God is bigger then this and we trust Him to heal you! You've had lots of visitors again today. You would hate how everyone is crying and fussing over you. We got the results of the MRI and it does confirm you have Diffused Axonal Injury. They said that you hit your head from side to side, right above the temple. The blow sheared off the nerve endings in your brain. They arn't giving us much hope that you will even wake up but you are not in danger of dying. Mom said, she can hear you saying "it is what it is". We are all praying Johnny! Your little girl needs you. She's protected, she's loved, but she needs her daddy! Wake up!

June 18, 2009

We heard from the Orthopedic doctor today. He told us that you have four spinal fractures. Your being fitted for a brace. He also told us that your spinal column got dinged ... not sure what that means but it doesn't sound good. Mom had to give the doctors permission today for a trachea and a feeding tube. It will be better for you not to have all the tubes in your mouth and throat and it will be easier on us. It's so hard to see you this way Johnny. Your having a MRI today to see what your brain is doing. They take you every night for a CT scan. Another doctor, another procedure ... they are going to put an umbrella in a vein to catch any blood clots that may form. They're also moving you to another bed that has air pumped into it. This will help to prevent bed sores. Your Orthopedic doctor is putting braces on your hands and feet. We are praying hard for you Johnny. Do you feel our prayers? Do you hear our voices? Are you in pain? So many visitors today, it's really very overwhelming.

Update email sent out by Diana:
Good morning everyone,
Thank you all so much for your sweet words and prayers for Johnny and our family. I'm at home gathering up for another day and wanted to send you all a quick note.
Johnny is receiving wonderful care. He now responds to pain but his Glasgow Coma score still remains at a 4 and that's not good although it can improve over time. He has several fractures in his neck but at this point they do not see spinal cord involvement. There are no other injuries presenting either so that's all good. It appears to be a one vehicle (motorcycle) incident. He was on a winding country road and lost control on a curve. Some one came along or witnessed it because it seems he got help right away. We have not been able to speak to the state trooper who worked the accident yet to obtain further details. Johnny's daughter got to visit yesterday, she is 12 and has a lot to absorb with all this. The child life people at Parkland are amazing as well. Yall, I can't get over the level of compassion I have witnessed this past couple of days from the staff there. It was very unexpected and I have a newer respect for the place. If you want to see how good you have it, just take a tour through the halls over there someday. It will break your heart. But to know that the caregivers respect and treat those less fortunate with integrity and such compassion, its been a good thing for me to witness.
Thank you all again for your love and prayers and support. We couldn't get through this without you.
God bless,

Update email sent out by Diana & Dad:
Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers, calls and emails. They mean so much to us. We are very heavy hearted tonight as the reality is really hitting us. We remain hopeful but we've learned a lot about brain injuries today. Johnny has what the doctors believe is a severe diffuse axonal injury. 90% of severe axonal injuries remain in a vegetative state. He will go for an MRI which will further assist in a determination of the injury. His coma scale remains at a 4 and they are not seeing any progress that they would hope to see at this point. On Monday he will be PEG'd and Trach'd. (ask the nurses among you) They started him on tube feedings, are still keeping him somewhat sedated. He has many friends which we are glad to meet…. He is such a shy kid that we had no idea he knew so many people. They've all told us what a good friend he is, how hard he works and how much they value him. The American Airlines Center has obtained a suite for the family in a local hotel near Parkland for the next few days. Johnny's mom lives 2 or so hours away and it is a great relief for her to be close. He continues to receive excellent care and we feel your prayers for him and us. Thank you again.
Diana and Johnny

Sunday, August 9, 2009

June 17, 2009

Sometime around 2am we heard from the neurosurgeon that you have spots of blood in your brain. This means that you suffered some serious brain trauma. The doctor said you have what is called Diffuse Axonal Injury. They told us that the nerve endings are sheared off so that commands don't get to where they are suppose to go. The neurosurgeon told us that on a scale of 3-15 with 15 being normal and 3 being brain dead, your listed as a 4. The little bit of moving that your doing is called posturing. This is considered normal in brain injuries like yours. Your right pupil is dilated and bruised. The doctor told us that you could possibly have lost your vision in that eye. You have a fever of 103 so the nurses put ice bags from your arm pits to your thighs. They said it's a symptom of your brain injury. Your breathing on your own now but you still have the breathing tube just in case. Mom went to your work and told them about your accident. Everyone has been so wonderful Johnny. You've had tons of visitors. Jackie visited with the counselor at Parkland today. She showed Jackie all the tubes and straps. Jackie decided that she wanted to see you. She stood at the foot of your bed and slowly eased up to the side of the bed. She was afraid to touch you. Mom took her hand and they both held your hand and cried. The nurses at Parkland are all so nice and patient to answer all our questions. Johnny, do you even know how loved you are? There have been so many people visiting you, praying for you, crying for you. I just wish you would wake up and see how loved you are.
Prayer request email sent out by Dad & Diana:
Last night, Johnny Jr. (my stepson) was in a serious motorcycle accident. He was Care flighted to Parkland where he is currently in SICU in a coma. He also has a fractured C7. I don't want to get too technical but as it stands right now, the doctors are not sure if he will make it or not. He has a severe brain injury but so far they have not detected a bleed but has brain swelling. He is on a ventilator, he has an ICP monitor and multiple other monitors. We came home to gather some things and we are headed back. The family is devastated but hopeful. Please think of us and pray for him and us and that God's will be done.
I love you all,
Diana and Johnny

June 16, 2009

You were headed from Malone to somewhere (we're not sure where) and you lost control of your motorcycle. The details are sketchy because there were no witnesses to the accident. We are not sure how long you were out before a truck driving the same road saw you and called 911. The driver (we never found out his name) said he thought you were dead because you were laying there with blood all over your face and not moving. Care flight was called out and you were hooked up to a breathing tube on the scene. You were unconscious and unresponsive. You were flown by care flight to Parkland Hospital in Dallas. We were told that they took you there because Parkland has the best Trauma unit in the region. I'm not sure how long you were alone before someone in the family was notified. A friend of yours called your cell phone and a state trooper answered it. He told your friend that you were in a serious accident and flown by care flight to Parkland. He asked your friend to notify someone in the family and she called Dad. Diana couldn't get in touch with me so she called Jessica to help find me. Jessica finally got in touch with me through Cody's phone. I broke the news to mom and she told Jackie. By 9:30 pm, your whole family was waiting in the emergency room. When we first saw you, it was were hooked up to all kinds of monitors, tubes and IV's. The emergency room stabilized you and then you were moved to ICU. You were in critical condition and at that point, we didn't know if you would make it or not.